Just Friggin' Surrender
I was not raised to surrender. I was taught to work hard and don’t quit. I work hard at most everything I do. When I struggle with something it is hard for me to surrender to it. I told my beginner yoga class last Friday that we were going to be focusing on surrender in class that day. They all looked at me like I had grown a horn in the middle of my head. One lady said, “you and surrender do not go together”.
Surrender is something I need to do at times, with some of the things in my life. I have had to learn that recognizing when I let go of my ego, I can see more clearly the expectations I have set for myself. Often the expectations are too high, often I just need to reassess.
Surrender is not a bad thing.
It doesn’t mean, I give up or I can’t do this anymore or I’m not able or I can’t…. whatever. Maybe it is looking at things in your life that don’t serve you anymore and letting them go. It might be anger or forgiveness or a project you started that you just aren’t into anymore. When we are talking about surrendering negativity and anger this can be hard. You’ve probably heard the quote by Buddha, “holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”.
When we are talking about projects in our lives we need to check in with ego. I am always writing a book. After I finished, “Badass and Bendy”, I didn’t sit back and reflect on the fact that I just friggin’ wrote a book. I immediately started thinking about what I was going to write next. I decided I was going to write a book based around my affirmation story. I have many of the pieces finished. I just need the pictures and the other people for the book. I want to interview people about their affirmation and get the reason they chose the one they did. It sounds easy. It is not. I have struggled with getting people to open up to me and not give me a pretty, cookie cutter reason for the affirmation they chose. I want to create this book to help others see they are not alone. There are other people going through some of the same problems and how yoga can help. I have beaten myself up because I can’t get these interviews. During COVID19 quarantine, I surrendered this project – not forever, just for a few months – and allowed myself to work on my body image book.
The mental push and pull for control.
Believing in yourself enough to trust – you.
Knowing when to keep working and when you need to let go. Sometimes it is a fine line.
Surrender can bring inner peace.
Surrender can reset us.
Surrender can energize.
I am confident that I will get back to my affirmation book when the time is right. I surrender the pressure I put on myself to always be creating. In this surrender I find energy and a renewed sense of purpose.
There is truth, calm, energy, purpose, and peace in surrender.