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Change. Riot. Revolution. Transformation.

This is the first fall in our new home. We have a beautiful maple tree in the front yard, I am sure it will be stunning as its leaves change colors. I was sitting outside looking at the leaves on the tree and thought it would be fun to chronicle the magical transformation of this tree during October. I love the fall and the obvious changes in the outdoors.

When we moved into our home the tree was green. Green leaves kissed by the sun and watered by the rain all summer long. I watched how it gracefully swayed in the breeze as it stood in all of its beauty.

The first of October I noticed a hint of red on a few of the leaves. The red took nothing away from the splendor of my tree, it added depth. Last week, the second week of October, I noticed more leaves turning red. The red leaves are only about 1/3 of the tree now but they are transforming the look of my tree

Change. Beauty. Growth. Rebirth. Shedding of the old and making room for the new. Trees go through seasons just like we do.

Change is often hard.

Change helps us to grow.

Change encourages us to keep striving for what is important to us. The leaves on my tree are changing. I will always be changing.

I think about change most often in October.

I am different in October.

October with its pink ribbons, it’s breast cancer races, the ads in the paper for mammograms, the pink shirts and hats and sweaters and flowers. October reminds me of the time before I was diagnosed with breast cancer. For years, I cringed when this time of the year would roll around. It scared me, it reminded me that I am mortal, it made me face my vulnerable side…the part of me I work hard to hide.

What do I hide? I hide the fact that I am always going to be scared in October. I hide that part of me that fears cancer. I hide the part of me that sometimes just wants to cry and needs a hug.

Last year my husband went with me to my mammogram. It was the first time anyone had gone with me. I felt safe with him there. I didn’t have the shortness of breath and the queasiness of my stomach and the feeling that the floor was going to drop out from under me. He came with me and I couldn’t fall apart with his strength supporting mine. I have always expected to feel less stress as each year passes, but I don’t. I guess it will always be there.

This year, he is going with me again. I am changing. I am revolting against the feelings inside me. There is a full-blown riot inside of me this year. I am transforming along with my tree. Transforming and loving the power I find within me.

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